you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
