he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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