He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
