did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
