i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
