So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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