Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
