Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
