if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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