John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
