My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
