We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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