You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
