office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
