Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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