he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
