6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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