im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
