I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
one two three fourrrrnication!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
