You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
