i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didn't notice because vodka
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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