so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
