I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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