I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
