my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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