Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
