i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
