I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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