When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
