Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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