Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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