She said her name was "party"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think my cat just said my name.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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