im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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