check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
