Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
