Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
