That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
