i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize