At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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