Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
