i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
