i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
