shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
