my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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