guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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