at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
