Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
