i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
