Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
