Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
