The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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