can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
