Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sober January is a disaster.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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