I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
