maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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