Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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