I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just pee around me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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