Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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