I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
