So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
