He felt like a one man threesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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