So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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