Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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