did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
