I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
