I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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