Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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