I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
