My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
