Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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