I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
