Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
