I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
