dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
