Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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