I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
