you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
