The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
