K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
