I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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