We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
