They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
