I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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