I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
